Day 13 - Home

February 6, 2024

Ah, it’s already February. This month I might need to go back to what I initially wanted this project to be, which was not a daily recap or ‘challenge.’ On the other hand, I have the content and a nice rhythm going on, so might as well finish what I have. These are from January 24th.

First photo is practicing guessing the focus distance. I’d like to say not too bad, but this took multiple tries!

Second photo is of the books I have been reading on and off. I couldn’t finish the The Gifted Adult because it got too repetitive and dry/not very applicable at the end. If you’re interested in the topic, I would love to hear from you as I am looking to discuss it with others.

The Mind’s Eye has felt a tad surface level thus far but I am sure it holds a wealth of insights I need to dig into gradually.

The Happiness Hypothesis is an interesting read as the author gives some examples of studies throughout. It raises a lot of questions and topics I would love to sink my teeth into but I am struggling to find the headspace to fully engage. I need to remedy this as soon as possible.

In the Matter of J. Robert Oppenheimer is a beautiful piece of literature. There’s something about these older works and their use of language that I find so tantalizing. Warrants a lot of analysis that I hope to do eventually.

Third photo: a trusted confidant who has been a great sounding board in throughout foray into higher education. Work has been challenging as of late. It generally is whenever I experience a hunger to be creative, but this feels particularly worrisome as it seems to go beyond a yearning to do something else. Obviously cannot share too much as this lives on the internet; however, it is most interesting to me that the more familiar I become with different personalities, the more distinct, perhaps concrete even, certain personalities come to be. There are seemingly undeniable correlations between specific patterns in behaviour and certain traits, beliefs, or experiences.

In my interactions with individuals, I seem to have a strong track record of deducing these details quickly. This helps me create connections with people rapidly, which is why I am confident in my interpersonal skills. Ironically, it is also what arguably undoes my interpersonal skills, as I feel surety in my ability to deduce whether a person is likely to respond well from a heartfelt conversation. If I am under the impression that an individual will not have a productive response to any shape of conversation, then I see zero need to engage. If not conversation, then will this person respond to critique? Formal reviews? Demonstrations? Hand-holding? Precarious and shocking events? None of the above? Then the relationship is not worth stressing over. Life is far too short for that.

Yet the line of work I am currently in does not allow me the same control I have over my personal sphere.

This is at the core of what I struggle with when it comes to the modern-day concept of work. Though we have infinite freedom relative to older models, I cannot shake off a feeling of not having true agency.

And that bothers me, especially since masking is a task I am exhausted by. Yet, no matter how much we shower in the delusion of pumping value into “being our true selves” at all times, I am reluctant to believe that one can ever truly achieve this, nor can I fully commit to the idea that this is inherently righteous.

As always, I do not have a clear answer or idea that I subscribe to; I must lean on affect. My emotions and values seem to indicate a fundamental error and thus suggest exploring deeper avenues.

Final shutter count: 7,940

-J

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Day 14 - Thrifty Dreams

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Day 12 - Practice