Day 9 - Alone
January 23, 2024
Another quick walk, more focused on documenting Lonsdale on this particular day (images were captured on January 18, 2024).
I’m finding it difficult to sit down and write for long periods of time so might need to revisit the structure of this all. I hadn’t intended to make a post for every single day, but it has been fun to see the results of each day of shooting.
1) The amount of red and blue I see around here is uncanny. I intend to put all of them together in a future post.
2) I felt the first pangs of wanting to shoot photos of birds—alarming.
3) There is an image below of a pigeon separated from the rest, facing a different direction. There was a point in my life where this was my daily experience internally—arguably these feelings never truly went away but I have learned to cope. Not necessarily a bad thing, one could argue. It provides some level of clarity on my personal expectations, aspirations if you can call them that, and self-image.
—more on feeling alone
When I see my family, I see isolation, rejection, independence. A tight-knit immigrant group that had to make things work. You may thing my brother was the wrench thrown in but I think the biggest disruptor for this family might have been me. There were a lot of things and still are a lot of things that don’t quite make sense internally and cognitively. Still trying to figure it out. Somewhat fragmented.
Regardless, I think this is what spurred me to quickly question, define, and pursue love. Love juxtaposed to isolation is a very intriguing image; maybe that is what I see in the image of the pigeons. Between the feathers of kinship, camaraderie, loyalty, and companionship, there is still a pocket of isolation that can exist but I am hesitant to label it as negative. For me it may be a foundational emotion that allows me to be introspective, to find stillness, to explore creatively.
Or maybe it’s simply negative, who knows.
